


Ya’arburnee

by artificialmac



Series: Foreign Word Fics [7]
Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: Angst, Death, Foreign Word Fics, M/M, Mentions of Cancer, fwf
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-21
Updated: 2016-06-21
Packaged: 2018-09-20 12:19:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,432
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9490748
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/artificialmac/pseuds/artificialmac
Summary: Ya’arburnee (Arabic) - This word is the hopeful declaration that you will die before someone you love deeply, because you cannot stand to live without them. Literally, may you bury me.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This fic jumps in time from the beginning of their relationship to the present day in the hospital. Sorry if it is a bit confusing. 
> 
>  
> 
> Part of my series of one-shots inspired by foreign words with no English translation.

Shane knew what he was getting into when he met Roy. The older man had been sure to inform him after about an hour of Shane flirting across the bar.

“I’m dying.”

“Aren’t we all?”

That made Roy laugh. Roy invited Shane back to his place. Shane was pleasantly surprised at Roy’s flexibility, especially for his age.

Maybe he stayed because the sex was amazing, that’s what Shane had told himself. Looking back he realized he must have just known.

Usually as soon as his ‘partner’ fell asleep, he was out of there. That night was the first night Shane had ever stayed. He still to this day doesn’t fully understand why he did, but boy is he glad he stayed. Even with everything that happened, he wouldn’t trade even one second with Roy for anything in the world.

Shane’s shoes made a clack as he walked up and down the linoleum hallways. He had been walking around for twenty minutes now, lost in his own head. Reliving the last two years of his life.

The next morning Shane had woken up to a delicious smell. He grabbed his stuff and tiptoed through the apartment, trying not to make noise.

“Where do you think you are going?”

Shane stopped in his tracks and turned around to see Roy giving him a glare. He remembered feeling stupid and embarrassed. This had never happened before, and he didn’t know what to do. Roy seemed to understand and his face softened and he motioned for Shane to come closer.

“Sorry, I just figured you might be hungry.” Roy held out a plate and smiled lightly when Shane took it.

They didn’t talk much over breakfast. Shane because he was too busy stuffing his face, Roy because he felt scared. Ten minutes of silence passed before Shane finally got the nerve to speak.

“You don’t do this a lot do you?” He motioned to himself and Roy vaguely.

Roy shook his head.

“So…”

“So what?”

“What gives? What made you feel the need to go do something like this?”

“I’m dying.”

“Well yeah everyone is.” Shane glanced at Roy’s solemn expression and it clicked. “Oh my god. Seriously? I am so sorry I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Its fine.”

“God I am an awful person. I am so sorry.”

“Don’t strain yourself kid. Its fine.”

Shane sat there red faced and sick feeling in his stomach until Roy broke the awkward silence. “I was diagnosed with stage three lung cancer about two months ago. They told me I had options but I knew what they meant. I mean stage three, your options are limited.” Shane saw a flash of different emotions cross his face, not knowing what to say or do. “They said I have a year to live, so I’m going to live.” Shane nodded approvingly. “That is a great mindset for the first few weeks. I went out and got wasted off my ass and ended up passed out in an alleyway. After last night I think I realized I don’t want all of that. I want to live like a normal person for as long as I am able to, you know?”

Shane nodded.

“God I am sorry. You didn’t ask for all of that. You can leave now. I’m really sorry.” Roy started snatching up the plates and cleaning up.

Shane grabbed his arm. “Wait. It’s ok.” Roy met his eyes, and something passed between them. Shane knew Roy had felt it too. “I want to know.”

“What?”

“I want to know. About you, and who you are and what you do.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know why, but I know that I do. “ Shane paused and the two looked at each other for another moment. “Is that ok?”

Roy gave him an intrigued, yet guarded smile. “Alright then.”

It happened gradually, although it looking back, it all blurred together. Shane left a toothbrush first, and then some socks. Then Roy looked up, and his closet was full of shoes that were too small, and shirts that Roy wouldn’t be caught dead wearing. They learned so much about each other in those first few months. Shane learned that Roy could sew like nobody’s business. Roy learned what an incredible singer Shane was.

Shane found himself staring at a door. He felt a pinch of guilt at how familiar it was. He composed himself before turning the knob and pushing open the door. Shane’s eyes fell upon Roy’s frail looking body. When they had first met, Roy had been built up. No his muscles weren’t bulging out everywhere, but he was the kind of quiet strong. The kind that you don’t realize until you are on the other side of it. He had lost a lot of weight since then, and even more muscle. Probably because he couldn’t walk long distances without assistance, and Roy hated assistance. So he rarely went out, not that he had anywhere to go. He had been fired when the department found out about his condition, and Roy being Roy, meant he didn’t have many friends. But he had Shane, and that was all he needed.

Shane approached Roy slowly, so that he was standing by the bed, careful not to bump any wire or tube attached to his lover. He looked down at Roy’s sleeping expression. Shane couldn’t help the tear that escaped his eye. He loved Roy, that much was obvious, but he had never said it aloud. Maybe because he didn’t want to complicate things, maybe because he always knew this would happen, maybe because he was scared. Probably all three.

Roy’s eyes opened drowsily as one of Shane’s tears made contact with his face. Roy reached up to stroke Shane’s cheek. The younger man closed his eyes at the touch and let a few more tears fall.

Roy’s voice was hoarse, due to the tube shoved down his throat. “You are too beautiful to cry.” Roy wiped the tears away. When he went to pull his hand away, Shane grabbed it and kissed his fingers and palm, bringing the hand to his chest. Roy smiled at this and sighed.

They stood there for several more minutes; the whirr of the machine currently keeping Roy alive was the only sound in the small room. They heard a light knock on the door, and Shane felt his heart drop.

Two nurses entered, one carrying a clipboard, the other a sympathetic expression. Shane backed up as they adjusted a few things, before the nurse with the clipboard spoke softly.

“I know we have asked you already, but we have to ask again. Are you sure you want to do this?”

Roy’s voice was strong and firm and it broke Shane’s heart. “Yes.”

The nurses moved around, checking the machine as Shane looked at Roy pleadingly. He held back the tears, not wanting to miss his last glimpses of Roy. Roy smiled up at him and held his face with both hands.

“We are going to inject the morphine now. He will fall asleep about two minutes after.” The nurse spoke mostly to Shane, but Roy nodded approvingly.

Shane saw the medicine run through the tube and into Roy, and he couldn’t stop the tears now.

“Will you sing to me?”

Shane felt more tears slip out at the sound of Roy’s voice, but he composed himself quickly. He kneeled down so that he was right beside Roy’s face and he grabbed Roy’s hand, as he began to sing softly.

_Wouldn’t it be nice if we could wake up_

_In the morning when the day is new_

_And after having spent the day together_

_Hold each other close the whole night through_

_Happy times together we’ve been spending_

_I wish that every kiss was neverending_

_Wouldn’t it be nice ___

__A tear made its way down Roy’s face. The song Shane was singing was usually happy and upbeat, but the way Shane sang it, drawing out phrases and changing the notes just slightly, gave it a whole new meaning._ _

__Shane finished the song and looked up to see Roy’s eyes closed and Roy’s hand had gone limp. Shane wiped his face and stood up to see the nurses looking at him sadly._ _

__“It’s time”_ _

__Shane had been dreading this moment for months and it was finally here. The nurses unhooked some things and gave him one last look before they took the tube out of Roy’s throat. Shane held on to Roy’s hand as the heart monitor began to beep loudly._ _

__Then it gave a long drawn out sound._ _


End file.
